July 8th, 2012

Update to Contest

We recently received a request from Todd Greenberg of tbgdesign4u.com regarding our illiteracy contest due to our satirical commentary of his website. To comply with his request we’ve removed all references to his site from the offending post.

It was rather unfair of us to poke fun at his site, instead of just clearly laying out what qualified him for our “illiteracy award”. So, to be fair we’ll explain exactly what happened.

We’ve had numerous problems in the past with receiving unsolicited requests to Craig’s List job listings that we post. Thankfully they provide a flag that lets us identify the post as one that should not be contacted for commercial interests. Unfortunately that flagging goes ignored by some.

To help reduce the amount of spam we get, years ago we instituted a policy where in the bottom of each job post we warn anyone that contacts us about something that is clearly a solicitation and not an application that we’d take action. We even provided examples of what would happen incase there was any ambiguity.

Thus began our Illiteracy Contest. Named that way, because not only would the respondent have ignored the Craig’s List flag, violating their terms of use, but also not understood meaning of the post itself. In addition they’d have to ignore the stern warning at the bottom.

Todd Greenberg of tbgdesign4u.com was one of several entities that contacted us through a Craig’s List job post and offered us commercial services. The exact kind of services flagged against in the post and listed out in the warning at the bottom.

So, if you’re looking for commercial website services, such as SEO, and other web related design, check out Todd Greenberg of tbgdesign4u.com. Also if you have a moment, google “tbgdesign4u.com forum” and take note of the forum posts and profiles that have links back to his website. I believe thats what SEO people call “relevance building.”

We hope Todd Greenberg of tbgdesign4u.com can help you, just like he tried to help us by responding to our post.

June 19th, 2012

[Insert feisty cat noise here]

For those of you unaware, life as Jess Tayts The Project Manager is stressful. Lots of irregular sleep patterns due to all-weekend Phish festivals, lots of Project Managing-esque jobs to tend to, and on top of all of that — lots of tormenting and an unusually large display of hate from Scott P. You may wonder who this “Scott” character is; to many he’s an anomaly, to others (by “others” we mean Jess) he’s the equivalent of Jewish hell if Jewish hell were in existence.

If we had to describe this “Scott” guy more accurately, we would plaster his face on the head of a feisty cat whose owners neglect to feed him. Lack of food equals lack of affection. Occasionally, Jess attempts to feed him in an effort to loosen him up and prevent him from lashing out on her. Sadly, her efforts are futile.

June 7th, 2012


Our lovely new addition to the office, Norman the Narwhal. Sometimes he wanders around the office in a drunken stupor –looking for people who are willing to listen to him mumble incoherently about his love-hate relationship with Charlie the unicorn (after all, Charlie is far more handsome and less plump) or  even topics as far-fetched as the internet’s infatuation with cat memes over narwhal memes. And, sometimes…oh who are we kidding– all of the time, he’s typically whimpering in a corner over his lack of narwhal fame. Even in his states of sobriety, he manages to maneuver his plump self into some section of the office in order to cause havoc.

Seriously, who isn’t turned on by LOLcats’ repertoire of sexy one-liners? But narwhals…narwhals…well, they’re a different type of breed. Unique. Whimsical. Plump. Perhaps less cute, but always bringing with them a good time.

May 11th, 2012

More Nominees for the Illiteracy Awards

Howdy Firefans,

It seems that a new crop of Craigslist solicitors are chomping at the bit to get collectively torn a new one in our semi-regular, wholly-prestigious feature, The Firefall Pro, LLC International Illiteracy Awards and Steak Dinner Benefit Concert for a Free Internet®™©. Anyway, we at Firefall are just trying to do our part to boost these fine companies’ SEOs and get them those coveted page ranks that they so rightly deserve! (and totally not for being hacky, poorly designed, generally confusing trash cans of sites that should be bleached off the face of the web forever and ever, amen. [That would be totally dickish on our part, right guys?]). So, drumroll please maestro, without further ado, we present to you the the nominees for this week’s illiteracy awards; and remember ladies and gentlemen, when everyone nominated fails this hard, we all win!

1. Rae Parth/ Axis.com, Inc.

As I’m just posting these in order of how they came into my inbox I almost hate starting off with this guy because he’s got a kind of awesome, Game of Thrones type name, but public shaming is the only way these people will learn to respect the do not solicit flag. Here are a few choice nuggets from Mr. Parth’s initial correspondence,

Take a look at my portfolio you will see that I am more then able in this realm of online website creation. I just charge a lot less then others. Basically what that means is I always beat my competitions price.

A sincere and heartfelt thank you, Rae, for clarifying what you meant by charging a lot less than others. He so eloquently continues:

I have clients IN CT, NJ & PA so I am constantly traveling throughout the week. Meeting in person is never a problem and I insist on face to face meetings weekly.

Watch out! we got a real jet-setter over here! Also it’s always a good idea to insist things of people you’re trying to get to hire you.

Rae included this link, www.axis.com in his contact info so I’m going to assume this is whom he’s affiliated with. Click through to see a stock image of a creepy Mormon in what looks to be some kind of country club change-room!

Pro-tip Rae, send a maximum of 10 links that you’re really proud of instead of fucking 500 and for everyone’s future sanity, DON’T SPAM PEOPLE.

Edit: Apparently this is at least the second time we’ve been spammed by Axis so we surmise not only have they e-mailed every single web-development job, but also every casual encounter ad as well.

2. Portrave.com

So we’ve got our standard sub-continental offenders here; some sweatshop development in Cochin, India which by my calculations is 20,000 metric fuck leagues from the New-York metropolitan commute-o-plex that we posted to on CL. so It’d be pretty hard for Santhosh Mathew to make it in for the odd client meeting. Also based on the Google Translated cover letter he was goodly enough to attach to his e-mail, it’d be like pulling elephant tusks communicating with these gentlemen. The Gems:

[W]e specializing in design, implementation and maintaining of web-based information systems, web-sites and…

Kindly revert me back with an appropriate time to call you. I would also appreciate if you share your contact details so we can further go on with this discussion.

Like to hear from you.

I like to hear from you too, Mr. Mathew, your command of the English language makes me giggle.

3. Sprima Inc.

Feel free to ask me any questions that you may have. I would be be glad to answer any questions you have.

Just one: what in the sweet name of the virgin’s tear-ducts are you on about? I defy anyone to read more than a sentence of this without their eyes glazing over,

I am sending you some of the websites that I made in last few months.  These web sites have different web features and they use different technologies based on client requirements. I work with my clients to understand the requirements and then build web-sites to our clients satisfaction. Here are some of the example websites. I build attractive, dynamic, informative and eye-catching websites to get more prospective clients to you.I can assure you that you will have the best experience to work with us in building your web-presence.

Let me know what you think about this project. I work closely with them to understand the requirements and produce quality product in most affordable cost in a timely manner. My customers are extremely happy working with me and my service. In the outset, I would like to assure you that you will have the best experience working with me to build your web-presence.

 BLUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! This quote from Billy Madison is really apt, “…We are all dumber for having listened to that, I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.”

4. [removed]

5. Terry Parrott/ Dolphin Micro Inc.

Terry Parrot…Dolphin Micro, I’m getting a heavy Jimmy Buffet vibe from these people — too bad their whole steeze is just as tepid and un-interisting as Margaritaville. See for yourself, www.dolphinmicro.com/home.

And then there’s Mr. Parrot’s stunted, shuffling cover-letter that leads me to believe Terry Parrot is nothing more than a robot powered by a barely functioning brain-in-a-jar, sorry I just watched Source Code last night. You be the Judge:

Thank you for the opportunity to reply to your post,

Your looking for a Web Developer/Designer?  I can help!    Web development/design is not new, but sometimes we forget just how powerful and versatility the tools to develop/design websites has become. It makes you wonder if developer/designers will every have any limits. This is why our team is made up of the strongest web development/design experts you can find. And I do not use the word experts lightly!   Our developers our continually expanding their knowledge and skills in all areas of Web Development/Design.   It is true we work as a team, but you would be assigned one developer to head your project, probably Peregrin or Pablo, two of our best.   Check out the examples of work we have done and see if you think we might be a good fit.

So, by all means, if you’re interested in hiring AIs on the verge of becoming self-aware, but with no danger of ever becoming competent have a blast with the “people” over at Dolphin Micro Inc.

That concludes our round-up of this week’s edition of the Illiteracy awards. We’re accepting votes by text and all of our judges are easily bribed so pick your favorite candidate and happy balloting!

This is Jake Cohen, saying good night and good luck America.



March 21st, 2012

I got this



I’m Jake, I work at Firefall. I’ll be updating the blog with random musings, things heard round the office and internet treasures.

Scott regrets this already.


March 21st, 2012

Latest Illiteracy Contest Winners (MyInfo.com, 369 Interactive Solutions)

As some of you may know, we here at Firefall Pro hate when people don’t read. We especially despise those who solicit us even when we explicitly say not to. So without any further ado I present the winners of this round’s illiteracy contest:


Our first winner is Emiliano Sanchez of Myinfo.com. Emiliano writes us explaining how he’s, “a real person, trying to make a sincere dollar”. I’m assume he means by spamming Craig’s List. I think his website alone serves as a good enough deterrent.

That soccer ball is animated. No really it is.

369 Interactive Solutions

Honorable mention goes to 369 Interactive Solutions, they’ve got a mostly broken website but their letter wasn’t a mine field of misspellings, just a variety of font sizes.

I’d like to thank everyone that participated in our illiteracy contest. Matt pointed out that we should put up more Craig’s List ads just to get more of these excellent submissions.

March 10th, 2012

HTML5 Audio & Video MIME Types

HTML5 video and audio can be endlessly frustrating to get working properly across all platforms. To further complicate matters there is more misinformation out there than definitive resources. This problem isn’t much different than JavaScript where there hundreds of thousands who can write JavaScript, but there must only be 10 people in the world that really understand it.

An important step in serving HTML5 audio and video is serving the files with the correct MIME type. To add them to an Apache server, use the AddType directive in a .htaccess or directly in a Virtual Host file. The following example assumes separate .htaccess files for each:


AddType audio/aac .aac
AddType audio/mp4 .mp4 .m4a
AddType audio/mpeg .mp1 .mp2 .mp3 .mpg .mpeg
AddType audio/ogg .oga .ogg
AddType audio/wav .wav
AddType audio/webm .webm
AddType video/mp4 .mp4 .m4v
AddType video/ogg .ogv
AddType video/webm .webm
The only tricky and rarely discussed thing is some files use the same file extension for both audio and video formats. This means depending on the types of files you want to serve you might want to add a .htaccess file to the specific directory containing either the audio or the video files so the proper MIME type is served.



May 10th, 2011

FirefallPro: getting the social all over you

If you need more FirefallPro in your life (you know you do) you can now follow us on twitter and like us on Facebook. In the spirit of Facebook deals (whatever that is) if you check in at our office you get a free shot of one of our top shelf liqueurs. Actually, we just like excuses to do shots at the office so we will offer the shot even if you want to avoid the social.

May 9th, 2011

Paying Us Just Got Easier

We understand that sending checks via mail is annoying and retro but not yet retro enough to be cool in an ironic way. Well, this can plague you no more, thanks to a new feature in Quickbooks, we can now accept online payments. Invoices sent from us will all have this option from now on. Hopefully this will make it easier for everyone and avoid that dreased phrase “the check is in the mail”

April 6th, 2011

WordPress Auto-Update Fails via FTP

WordPress auto update has never worked properly for us and we’ve been forced to do them manually. After doing a bunch of manual updates to 3.1, I noticed 3.1.1 was available. I was not ready to manually update them all again and went in search of a fix.

Most forums contained awful solutions, like setting permissions to “777”, or increasing the max execution time, all things you’re not supposed to do. Some blog posts offered more reasonable solutions, like removing the “/wp-content/”upgrade folder. I finally stumbled across one that mentioned WordPress not working properly with Pure-FTPd, but their solution was to switch the FTP server to ProFTPd. They hinted that WordPress is trying to access incorrect paths via FTP, which was confirmed by looking at the FTP log.

I hoped that changing the FTP_BASE would fix the problem, but that didn’t help. Nor did clearing the upgrade folder, or the ill-advised increasing max_execution and memory_limit. Unwilling to switch the FTP server, I searched a little longer and finally found a real solution in the form of a plugin, FTP Upgrade Fix. Supposedly this fix will be included in WordPress 3.2, but why it hasn’t already is maddening.

Since installing the FTP Upgrade FIx plugin we’ve been able to update at least 6 blogs without any problem.